Archive for April, 2017
These remarks perhaps move outside the conventional Tantric definitions but are nonetheless relevant when considering how to enjoy a maximum of erotic stimulation.
Tantric massage, in its simplest forms, provides incredible sensual stimulation but isn’t always available. There are other options, however, that can fill the gaps in between massages, and even become a ‘way of life’ in themselves.
Heightened sensual awareness and erotic stimulation can become a 24/7 experience, constructively blended with regular day to day activity.
It’s just a question of allowing imagination to do its work and not being afraid to actualize and experiment.
While I make no claims to be much more than a messenger I can mention some of the ideas and practices that have been presented to me, over time, and try to point out the underlying reasons for the pleasure that can be obtained.
I’m not proposing to be an advocate for any of the ‘kinks’ or ‘fetishes’ mentioned. Some may appeal to you and others not. The trick is to remember that there are many ways to experience the sensual potential common to all. Just ‘pick your poison’!
To start with, begin to think about what heightens your sensual awareness when you’re alone. Self touch and masturbation is enjoyed by most people but is often approached with little conscious awareness.
Conscious self touch, or ‘mindful masturbation’ is a gateway to exploring a much broader potential. Many people work to lengthen and elaborate their solo experiences.
This is a true beginning. I won’t get into the techniques that can be used to this end – I plan a more detailed article soon – but broadly, start to be conscious of sensual self touch beyond simple genital stimulation.
Spend time on as many body zones that you can reach. Where reach is limited, use and invent ‘props’ to make the contact.
Allow yourself to mentally associate such ‘distant’ touch with genital stimulation. Very easily it will be possible to find that touch to an unrelated body region will result in deep sensual stimulation. Take your time.
This is the beginning of heightened sensory awareness.
An easy example might be sensations to the feet. We tend to ignore the foot as an erogenous zone, often because convention and practicalities don’t provide much opportunity to use the erotic potential of the foot.
Take every opportunity to be barefoot. Wear shoes that can be slipped off easily and don’t wear socks. You’ll always be aware that you can heighten your erotic sensitivity whenever you slip off your shoes.
As you sit at tables use the opportunity to stimulate the feet on the carpet or floor, discreetly. If you’ve been able to previously practice associating genital stimulation with foot stimulation it will soon be possible to raise sensual awareness in ordinary situations without moving immediately to the crotch!
Often you’ll also find like-minded people, if you relax and use some discretion, who understand the energy that you’re sending out.
This is obviously a very simple example – socially safe but full of opportunity. Practice can lead to foot fetishes of all forms – and so can begin a lifestyle.
The same ideas can apply to all other parts of the body – some easier to engage socially than others.
There’s nothing particularly new in discussing these ideas but often the erotic connection is not made when we seek to enjoy or enhance our bodies.
For instance is jewelry worn to please the wearer or the observer? How personal should and can jewelry be?
Earrings are a common place adornment, and unremarkable, but we’ve begun to explore further, the purpose and intent of body piercing. We’ve moved toward understanding that piercings and jewelry have a clear erotic purpose for the wearer which can be even more pleasurable for the wearer than the observer.
And we’ve made piercings very much more visible on body parts that used to be considered too personal to expose.
Tongue and navel piercings are now commonplace and highly visible. It’s possible to practice to associate these areas with erotic self stimulation. Genital piercings and jewelry for males and females are less obvious but are a constant physical stimulation which can be converted into erotic stimulation 24/7. The feel of steel in and against skin and flesh is one of the most erotic stimulants known to many people.
Nipple piercings are finding a less discreet place in the world of erotic experience.
The male nipple, which carries less social and sexual baggage than the female nipple, is a centre of nerve endings that can easily be developed as a fast track connection to erotic heightened awareness.
Even for those who do not find their nipples particularly sensitive to erotic touch and stimulation, with some practice it becomes very possible to use the nipple as a primary erogenous zone. Some shirt fabrics can stimulate the nipple very effectively at every movement, again providing sustained erotic energy.
It’s easy to understand how constant engagement and attention to these body parts can be considered ‘kinky’ or ‘fetish’. But that is not a reason to deny the sensual and sexual potential. It’s a way of opening the energy of the mind and body to its full potential.
Moving to a bigger canvass, the nude human body can be the most powerful initial stimulant.
Unfortunately our society makes it very difficult to enjoy the sensual and sexual potential energy of a naked form, either solo or in company.
We’re exposed to nudity in advertising all the time but this is one of the instances where it’s implied ‘don’t try this at home’. It’s suggested that we may not measure up to the airbrushed magazine images, or that we should confine ourselves to a life which finds fault with enjoying even our own bodies.
But we know that it can be stimulating and erotic to be naked, especially among others, and to see others naked.
To a greater or lesser extent we’re all potential voyeurs or exhibitionists.
Communal nakedness is enjoyed by nudist clubs etc. but these organizations often deny the sexual potential of what they enjoy. This may be appropriate within family environments but here we’re talking about adult potentials.
Many kink and fetish environments allow and encourage nudity for entirely erotic, sensual and sexual potentials.
To enjoy the feeling of exposing one’s body, complete with the unhidden sexual energy of piercings, make-up, jewelry etc., or entirely unadorned, to others, is a powerful statement and invitation to understand that it’s good to be aware of and in control of the physical body. That it’s good to demonstrate physically what is going on mentally.
Taken as a lifestyle interest, solo and communal nudity is again a ‘fetish’ that is positive and can live in the mind 24/7.
As the physical and mental connections are developed and become part of life, rather than simply reserved for ‘special occasions’, so it becomes increasingly possible to test boundaries and try experiences that at one time seemed too strange.
Now it is possible to be in environments where everybody can be understood as simply enjoying erotic stimulation for its own relaxation and erotic effects. That there is no ‘audience’ necessary. The activities are for the satisfaction of the individual. For those who are curious to watch, with permission, that is usually just fine. But the activities are part of the raising of erotic energy in ways that people have come to enjoy, often as a major component of their daily lives.
Perhaps the primary message is to welcome and encourage your fantasy. There is much energy to be found in dungeon play, BDSM, communal nudity, cross dressing, oil wrestling, tattoos, piercings, foot worship, mindful solo masturbation, communal masturbation, performance art, naked ritual etc. The possibilities are endless, limited only by imagination.
Here I’ve listed a few unconnected activities, entirely at random. There is no order of importance and the only thing the topics have in common is that they are enjoyed by many people who have found excellent outlets for their fantasy and sexual expression. It’s all worth exploring.
So, ‘fetishes and kinks’ are positive possibilities. It’s possible to enjoy many or just a few but practice does offer the chance to enhance and enjoy erotic energy when the massage table isn’t available.
I’m often asked to share in kinky and fetish fantasies as part of encouraging sexual and sensual energy and I am only too pleased to assist where I can, and to enjoy the experiences.
In Tantric group sessions we often talk about and explore such ideas and I’ve found so many new possibilities are opened in this way.
Always feel welcome to email or call on this general topic and let me know if you’d like to share or try something at a session.
The plan is always to encourage sensual and sexual awareness and to use this raised consciousness to enjoy all aspects of sexual life.
Tel: 250-984-7051 Email: email@example.com
He asked it be posted with a password so if you’d like to read it just email or call for the p/w and I’ll be pleased to send it. (I’ve recently removed the password, with his permission)
He lives with his female partner and a gay male roommate. They all get on well, according to his description, and he asks some questions about the best future approaches to what they have found out about themselves and each other.
Reading his descriptions clearly suggest that he is fortunate to have found this living arrangement. It’s very likely that his interest in Tantra, massage and holistic bodywork have enabled his comfort level with sensual and sexual environments.
I plan to make a more detailed response to some of his questions and descriptions.
He identifies himself as a bisexual male in his 20’s, happily partnered with a girlfriend who accepts his sexual preferences. They share a rented house with a male in his 30’s who has recently ended a relationship with his gay partner.
The email talked about the adjustment in establishing living arrangements and allowing themselves to find ways to feel comfortable and relaxed in their own home environment.
They are all people of open minds, familiar with the potentials of their sensual and sexual lives. My friend, who has visited for massage and Tantric ritual instruction, a few times, has found himself with the opportunity to act on the possibilities of Tantric practice. Happily, while the result could have become overwhelming, he’s been received with enthusiasm, but looks to be sure that he continues in the most productive direction.
I do have some thoughts about his experience and will post them soon, but if any readers have any thoughts of their own/advice for him, please email me privately and I’ll make sure he receives the comments.
Tel: 250-984-7051 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Extracted and edited from email
Thanks for the appointments during the year and sorry I haven’t seen you recently. It’s been busy at school and time has been tight but I’ll come again soon.
I have been reading your blog and the password posts and thought I could write my experience and you can put it on the blog with a password.
You know my background and I thought it might be worth writing about because I’m not sure how usual or unusual it is. We’re all OK with me writing it and I’ve actually been helped by all here. We’re interested in anyone who wants to write to us who are in the same situation.
I’ve been attending university for 3 years now with a year to go. I met my girlfriend (name provided but changed to g/f) after a year at school. We go to a lot of the same classes.
We rented a house 18 months ago and thought we’d rent out the spare bedroom to make the rent work. I told my g/f that I like to get massage and am very interested in tantra. Also that I’m bi. She doesn’t have a problem, obviously, or we wouldn’t be together and we both enjoy our sex lives together.
We needed to get at least one other renter to help with the rent and we thought we’d be able to get another student but ended up renting the room to a guy in his 30’s (we’re in our 20’s) who works in a store downtown. I don’t want to mention the type of store but he’s a nice guy and I’ve shown him your blog. I don’t think he’s been to see you yet but I know he will soon. He wants to save some money so sharing a house works for him at the moment.
We share the lounge and kitchen etc. so we’ve often hung out just talking and getting to know each other. I’ll call him James but that’s not his real name.
When we were looking for a renter we wanted someone who was easy to be with and wouldn’t be uncomfortable around the house, so we said that they would have to be OK with the idea that the place was clothing optional. We chose James because his reaction wasn’t weird on the subject.
It took a month for things to settle into a routine and it was in the summer last year so we were around the house a lot. James was at work during the day and usually got back around 6. We didn’t have classes over the summer.
At first we tried to be extra considerate so he could feel free to hang in the lounge, get food etc. but it wasn’t exactly the best approach and so we asked him what would work for him. Luckily he said that he’d be most comfortable if we just existed as normal because the plan was to rent the house so that we could all live comfortably. Also he had his own room and TV to go to anyway.
We began watching movies together in the lounge later in the evenings and found that our mealtimes matched James so it’s all quite convenient. We don’t have much furniture and the place is clean but untidy which is OK most of the time.
The days were long and being summer and warm weather mostly we usually hung out in the house with just shorts and T-shirts. My g/f and I have books on bodywork, massage, tantra, art etc. and they’re in the lounge for anyone to read. James had begun to look through them and we got to talking about bodywork one evening.
To make this short we found out that James also was into massage and had done a lot of yoga in his past. We talked about tantra and relaxation etc. and about how we all seemed to get along and that it was a good living situation. James had said before that he was gay but had split from his partner in the previous year.
During evening conversations we started to talk about some more personal things and the conversations flowed very easily and we all found it quite sexy. One evening James left us to take a shower and came back into the room with only his towel wrapped around him.
We resumed the conversation which hadn’t really ended because my g/f and I had continued looking through massage books.
James saw what we were looking at and said that at some point we should get a massage table and try some massage exchange. Because I’m always open for massage and so is my g/f we said that we’d give James a massage then if he wanted. I’m not sure I’d have said this if I hadn’t had a couple of beers.
We cleared some space on the floor, which is still mostly covered with cushions and books, and James stretched out, face down, on the floor. My g/f took off his towel, found some oil that we keep around and we started massaging James.
Although we’re not strangers to massage I suddenly realized this was the first time I’d actually been with my g/f in a massage situation (or any potential sexual situation) with another male. I knew she could be into this but wanted to make sure she was completely OK with the possibilities.
I tried to recall as much of the tantric approach as I could and I told James that would be our approach to this.
We poured some oil onto James’ back and my g/f separated his legs enough to allow some oil to trickle between his cheeks.
Then she took my hand and guided it between his legs and held it there, with hers. The intention was to make sure that I understood she was cool with this. James was having a great time.
We oiled and massaged James’s back, butt and legs from top to toe. Eventually my g/f said that we should start on his front and asked James if he wanted his towel back. It seemed a crazy question but she intended it politely. Anyway he ignored it and just turned over. We’d seen James naked going to and from the shower to his bedroom etc. and we hadn’t particularly avoided covering up if we were moving around the house but this was the first time we’d actually done anything that would have a sensual or sexual dimension.
As he turned over James asked us both if this was OK with us and my g/f said it was with her and she didn’t think I would have a problem. Of course I didn’t have a problem. If I had any concern it was that although I’d told my g/f I could get turned on in the company of some guys and I thought that could fit me into the bi category, this was the first time when she would put it to the test and I didn’t want to offend either her or James.
I think my g/f quickly read my mind and said that since I was the ‘tantra expert’ I should take the lead. We’d both stayed in our shorts and tops so far and actually I felt we were overdressed because this had gone so far. Again seeing my hesitation my g/f said that what she’d read of tantra in my books we ought to make James feel as comfortable as he could be so that he could enjoy the experience so she told him that she was enjoying the massage and now seeing him naked. Also whether he wanted this to be full body.
The answer was not necessary so we poured on the oil. James is a good looking guy, He’s got less hair than me and is quite slim. Since I’ve been in his position getting massage I was imagining what he’d be feeling. I’m still working on not cumming too soon as you know and James seemed to have things under control.
We both started on his chest and although my g/f had told me to take the lead she was the one moving my hands down James’s torso when it seemed I was spending too long on the chest area.
As we massaged James’s belly and moved into his pubic area I realized we were both waiting to see who would make the first stroke of his cock. Looking back on this it seems we were being a bit stupid and that’s where I’m interested in your opinion.
I was finding the time very erotic but was still concerned to show that to my g/f. It was James who broke the ice and reached for my dick and told me to lose the clothes. I looked at my g/f who said it was fine with her if I wanted, so I got naked. My g/f made some sort of joke about waiting too long for this moment and took off her top. She’d been wearing a long T shirt covering some briefs which she kept on.
We worked on James’s cock and balls together while he played with me while getting the massage from us both. After we’d worked on his legs and feet getting back often to his cock, I could see he was ready to cum any time. My g/f could see this of course and that I was also ready to join him.
Around this point we ended the massage and my g/f asked whether I would kneel over her face and James over her tits and we should cum on her at the same time.
That’s what we did. There was enough to almost drown her.
I hope you don’t find this pornographic. I’ve left out a lot of the detail and description and I’m not sure whether it fits with tantra. I’m hoping you’ll email me with any thoughts.
We’re all still living at the house. We continue with our lives normally and we’re not a traditional ‘threesome’ because we don’t share the same bed. We do hang out together in the evenings and my g/f and I sometimes have sex with James there. Sometimes my g/f asks James and me to play with each other so there’s a lot of physical contact between us and a great comfort level. We like to watch each other so we’re probably voyeurs and exhibitionists.
We did get a massage table between us. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been to you. By now there’s not much we don’t know about each other, physically, but I’m interested to find out more about the next steps in tantric massage and how we can find any new things to do.
James is interested as well. Also my g/f has told me that she does get off on seeing us all together although we never try to have sex with James. He and I have been quite intimate but only ever when all three of us are together. James’s position is that he very much likes my g/f as a friend and loves that she allows him to play with me. So it’s all cool.
It won’t last forever now because we’ll finish in the next year and probably move. That’s why I’d be interested in what tantra offers when we don’t have James around. Also I’m interested in some further instruction in massage techniques.
You can edit this description however you want and post it on your blog if you like. I think our situation might not be so unusual but people don’t talk about these things often. We’ve been pretty lucky with it all. I want to keep it that way so you might be able to keep us on track.
(The email is signed but I’ve cut it down in size and left his name out. I’ll call him Bill for this posting. We’re in touch. I expect to see him again soon)