It’s time to thank the many readers of this blog who write emails describing their personal experiences with touch, massage, ritual and Tantra.
Often emails speak of personal voyages of self discovery. Often they speak of the successful actualization of thoughts and imaginings through the very personal interactions that Tantric practice can provide.
I try to respond to all communications and have had the pleasure of reading so many constructive thoughts and ideas.
In this process I’m often invited to post and share emails to this blog. So I’ve saved many communications with the intention of posting them.
Here’s one from a writer who provides thoughts that many might find familiar.
His experience, while personal to him, might be an inspiration to many who can imagine there are safe and comfortable experiences available.
Subject: Surprising and relaxing
Its unlikely I’ll ever get to visit you because I’m south of our shared border in Chicagoland. But I do read your blog and wish you would post more frequently.
I’ve become a tantric massage addict recently and reading the internet links I think I’m not alone and maybe my experiences will be helpful to others. I hope that you might publish my thoughts or I’ll have to start my own website.
I’m a retired professional gentleman in my late 60s. I’ve raised a family in the midwest and my wife and I have successfully downsized our lives. I can’t say that we have any special relationship problems but our interests have diverged over the years. I’d say we’re comfortable living companions but no longer sexual. I have always been respectful of my wife and family so have never had to hide serious secrets.
A year ago I slipped on some ice and damaged my back. It wasn’t serious and is now healed but at the time our doctor suggested I get some sports massage which would ease the discomfort.
I visited a massage practitioner and he introduced me to the world of deep tissue and sports massage. At first the visits were quite uncomfortable as he dealt with my not so serious injury. Then as I healed I began to find that I was enjoying the table time more than I was comfortable with. I had never sought massage treatments in my life and massage parlors would never have been on my radar. After the scheduled sports massages, though I found myself thinking about the touch of the practitioner and I must admit to becoming slightly confused about how much I would miss the visits when the session schedule ended and whether I could find something to replace it. The visits were always professional in nature. My wife is not strong enough to provide massage and I didn’t want to bother her with my thinking.
I took to the internet to learn more and after looking at the endless dubious massage services I found that the tantric term appeared quite frequently. I think thats when I might have first seen your site but there were others. In my searching I found a guy quite local to me who advertised massage for relaxation. My sports prescription had ended and although my back was mostly now ok I became quite focused on finding something to fix my need for touch. Parlors were out and there seemed no harm in contacting for a relaxation massage from a professional guy.
I made an appointment one cold afternoon at a suburban house. I was welcomed into a living room with a familiar massage table. The room seemed to be much less clinical than the room of my sports therapist. The space was certainly not threatening in any way and I’d become used to some of the massage protocols in my sports visits so I assumed something similar but less clinical. This is where my new experiences began I think.
I’ll refer to the practitioner as Brian. A very peaceful man in his 40s. After introducing himself and waiting for me to adjust to the room, take off my coat etc. I was invited to take a seat which was an armchair and explain my expectations while Brian listened. I remember telling him about my accident and massage treatment and I said that further relaxing massage might help as a self prescribed complete cure. I also told him that I found that my preference was for a male practitioner. As I talked I found myself beginning to anticipate the table time ahead in a way that hadn’t happened with my sports practitioner.
Brian said that he understood as much of the background as he needed to and that this would be a different experience because normally relaxation massages were more complete than sports or chiropractic. He invited me to use the shower, which I declined, and he left the room after telling me to undress and get onto the table. I put my clothes on the armchair and wrapped a towel, that Brian had left on the table, around me and climbed onto the table face down.
Brian soon returned although I couldn’t see him being face down. He turned on some quiet music and began a massage of my lower back and then to my shoulders. He used some oil and soon it began to occur to me that this was a very different experience from the sports massage. I found my mind wandering and into thoughts far from the reality of the day.
Brian didn’t remove the towel when he started on my legs but as he moved to my thighs the towel did get in the way. He asked if he could remove it to massage my butt and I happily murmured yes.
The massage continued as you might expect and I experienced it very sensually especially when I turned over, declining the towel as covering. Now I had a view of Brian, who was working shirtless. I found the combination of the touch of the massage and Brian’s appearance very arousing and although Brian did everything to slow me down the involuntary personal aspect of the massage was completed rather quickly.
Brian completed the massage for another 30 minutes I recall and I found myself completely relaxed and walking on air.
I used the shower and we talked for a while after I dressed. Since then I have returned to Brian quite frequently and feel more relaxed than I have for a long time.
Here’s the message you might like to take from this. I’ve found a safe and relaxing way to enjoy touch which is no longer available to me at home. I’ve been in good company and have made a new friend. Although I’ve always considered myself attracted to the opposite sex I’ve realized that I can completely enjoy the touch and company of a male in this context and I’ve come to appreciate the sensual and sexual potential of males in the same way that I’ve understood female attraction. I enjoy the company and the discretion and I will be enjoying my visits to Brian as far as I can see into the future.
It was a leap of faith for me to engage more of myself in this way and I would encourage any person who finds their ability to relax overwhelmed by routine, to find safe ways to enjoy whatever touch they can.
Hope this helps somebody.
John in Chicago